Now or Never - List of Things to Do Before I Die (:

1. Witness something truly majestic
2. Learn, then buy, a Motorcycle
3. Have a pet dog named Ripley
4. Vacation in Europe
5. Get a Tattoo
6. Laugh Until I Cry
7. Meet my Grandchildren and (possibly GreatGrandChildren)
8. Drive a Mustang and/or Rolls Royce
9. Master the Guitar and move on to play Electric and Bass
10. Learn a new language to be fluent
11. See a shooting star/meteor shower
12. Create my own food dish
13. See the end of Human Trafficking
14. Visit all the 7 World Wonders
15. Fold 1000 cranes to give someone a wish
16. Shave a head bald
...to be continued

GROW UP. You're not a kiddie anymore.

Today really opened my eyes. I finally slapped myself in the face and asked myself: What the hell are you doing? Ever since senior year started, this question probably has been haunting and nagging me in the back of my subconsciousness. I was thinking throughout the whole time my friends were playing RockBand, and realized I have been lagging behind in school work, missing deadlines entirely, and oversleeping, which results of me missing school. These failures have never happened before. I have been always on top of my work; staying up late and actually finishing the assignment that is due the next day, no matter how much sleep I lost. Now, it's like I don't even try. I value sleep over my grades and my future. I anger my mom more. I skip my tutoring job. Why?! For what purpose?! I even became lazy in church. CHURCH. Skipping discipleship?! How can I possibly even ALLOW that to happen?! I used to be consistent and committed to going to Sunday School. How is this different? I value sleep more than God?! WHAT?! I'm a youth leader for goodness sakes.

That's it. I'm putting my foot down and drawing a line. Actually, more like resorting out my priorities. There is no way I'm allowing this to continue. I have to fulfill my responsibilities and take charge of my actions. I have to thank Emily Tu, my patient and absolutely awesome accountability partner/mentor, for putting up with a ridiculous loser like me. I pray that I can be better accountability partner for her sake. I know now that I can't get away with things without facing the consequences. I'm sorry for being so stupid. My thoughts and priorities must be resorted and be held firmly in place, relentless and unwavering.

PRIORITIES

1. GOD/Spirituality
2. Friends&Family
3. School Work/Grades
4. Job/Money
5. Self
6. Dating/Boys
7. Luxury

THINGS TO DO TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN

• WAKE UP in time and not be late (PUNCTUALITY)
• FIND a Study/Homework Buddy and actually STUDY
  
• STOP skipping work
• FULFILL my promises
  
• NO procrastination

I hope this works. I really do have to change for the better.

Severed Puppet Strings

Sometimes, it just hurts to think. To go through the life and analyze people, including yourself. To ask questions that never seem to get answered. {....Why did that happen? What was she thinking? Is she serious?....} To compare yourself to others. {....She's so much prettier. smarter. charming. wealthy. stronger. eloquent. creative....} To wonder why people seem to accept certain people more. {....Why did he ask for her and not me? They are all looking for her. She is everyone's favorite person. Everyone knows her. She's is the first to be invited or requested....} To notice all your own bad points. {....loser. unattractive. dumb. quiet. slow. poor. fat. awkward. shy. weird....}

To feel like a puppet, hanging there with your strings being cut, one by one. To just put up a wall and block everyone out. Blasting the music, singing your lungs out. Ignoring the voices around you. Ignoring the thoughts in you head. Going on with life. Putting up a shell, a shield, against others. Trying to stand tall, even though my puppet strings are severed clean. It's a struggle and the shell is not the ultimate defense with minute cracks, vulnerable to those with unsuspecting accuracy. But it is a battle to fight and I intend to win.

The Future Is Where It's At

This night was hilarious. Over dessert, we had the most funniest (redundancy is necessary) conversation ever. It was basically discussing the future wife of a close friend, and it was unbelievable of what came up. It first started out about how the wife should know how to cook. Then, it escalated into a ridiculous conversation about extreme muscles, bear wrestling, 7foot plus height, and a weird accent. Haha. It was incredibly hilarious. So if anyone sees or knows a lady that fit those requirements, introduce me to her so I can point her to my friend's direction. LOL!

This conversation also got me started to think about my own future. Even in school, my friends and I had these outrageous talks about our future lives and how we hope they would turn out. We would all eventually live in the same neighborhood, make our kids be friends, having block parties, matchmaking, arranged marriages (Michelle Liu's future daughter has dibs on my future son and JBang's future son has dibs on my future daughter, by the way. rofls!) It's fun talking about these things.

My future, the way I planned it to be, would be something like this:
During college and graduate school, I would be involved with an internship at a laboratory as a forensic scientist and eventually become an official one. I would have moved out of my parents' apartment. I would have my own apartment, with or without a roommate. I don't mind either way, but she has to be someone I trust and can tolerate. Lol. I probably will know how to cook by then, after many attempts and experiences. I will have a dog, either a big one or a medium one, but I will definitely have my own doggy. And I will have my own car, blue or a navy blue one.

I want to move out of my parents' house as soon as I can. When I can make enough to sustain myself, I will move out. They can visit as much as they want, but I like the fact that I can do whatever I want to. I can have my friends over as long as I like. They can crash at my place because I would have extra bedrooms that act like guestrooms and the sofa can fold out to be a bed as well. I would able to decorate my flat however I want to. I can't wait to have my own place.

Uhh, truthfully, I never had much thoughts about my future husband. I want to be married in my mid-twenties. Haha. But I usually skip to the children part. Rofls. But some things I have assumed my husband will be like are having the ability to cook, good personality, taller than me (even if it's only a couple of inches), funny/has a sense of humor/can make me laugh, somewhat good/average looking (doesn't have to be eye candy haha), cleans/picks up after himself, and CHRISTIAN, of course. Oh, and preferably older. Everything else can be judged later. xD

I would have 2 kids(or more haha). My dad and my uncle are twins, so twins run in my family. I want to have twins, rofls. Preferably one boy and one girl, or my firstborn to be a boy and then the second child to be a girl. Maybe it's because I always wanted an older brother but I love the whole idea of the older brother being protective of the younger sister. But overall, any gender, in any order is good really. I would love them just the same. I don't want 3 kids, though. I don't want my middle child to suffer from the middle child complex. (As you can see, I have put much thought into this. Haha.)

My dream house would be a nice big-ish house with a lawn, backyard, 2+ bathrooms (haha!), driveway, 3-5 bedrooms (some are used as guestrooms probably), and large living room. Or it would a be 2-story apartment, which would probably be dubbed as a penthouse. LOL. Like those houses within an apartment building. It would be the best hangout house for just chilling or for fellowship. Expensive, but it's my dream, so I can dream whatever I want to dream. Haha.

So, that's what I want my future to be. But I know it would not probably end up exactly the same. I put more thought into it than I thought. Rofls.