“Guys need like…” She was waving her hand as she talked into her phone, “A brain enhancing pill… one to reduce denseness. I swear to God, he is thick--- he just gave this whole speech about how he knew I’m in love with him and then he’s like ‘if only that were true’… I mean, everything he said WAS true! Freaking dense males…”
“Wait.”
“…Oops.”
“You’re in love with him?!”
He said nothing. She couldn’t believe that there was anything that could make her feel worse, but his lack of words hurt more than she thought she could bear. She was already sobbing softly. She didn’t know how to let go of the emotions inside her. She only knew she didn’t want them to be hers.
“I’m not with you because I want to be,” he said and his voice was angry and hard. She hated when he used that tone and she tried to clear her vision enough to gauge him, but as soon as she did her eyes teared up again. This time, whatever he was going to say, he meant it. “I’m with you because I can’t not be. You can’t speak without a tongue, you can’t walk without legs, you can’t eat without a stomach, you can’t think without a brain, and I can’t feel anything without you.”
I used to believe the best feeling in the world you could only obtain from racing - just you, a car, and the never ending road.
Racing - the best feeling in the world? I was wrong.
When you’re driving so fast in that sportscar you get the sensation of ceasing to exist, like a disturbingly pleasant limbo. You forget reality; forget about all your problems, all you care about is getting faster, faster, fool…
But that’s stupid. Because when you get back on earth you’ve still got to face those problems, and those problems have probably worsened since you’ve wasted time with your head literally in the clouds. The horizon is your limit until you’re so far away from the starting point you forget the people that really matter.
Who knew the best feeling in the world wouldn’t be achieved from a euphoric potion, or being surrounded by so much money you’re bathing in dollars, but just holding the one you truly love so close in your arms you can feel their heartbeat (one thump, two thumps, three), and sealing it with a kiss.
But don’t worry if you haven’t experienced that feeling yet, because it’ll come. Maybe not soon, but the wait is more exhilarating. And when you do finally sense it, you’ll think back to this and smile, you’ll probably want to shake my hand, and you’ll probably want to punch me for not warning you, because it’ll hit you so hard.
school ever since I was a toddler. I knew all the major stories in the Bible. I competed against other little Boonies, trying to memorize the most memory Bible verses and win the prizes. But that was all I knew, the fun and games of church and the information that was basically hand-fed to me. I knew the simplified version of the faith. God is all powerful. God is everywhere. God loves us even though we were bad. Yet, I never felt the necessity or dedication of my heart to Him and to Him alone. There were times when I doubted that He was there at all. Although I was in church every week during middle school, I lived a rebellious life. Consequences were useless, parents were frustrating, and nothing mattered. I constantly argued with my mother until we were both red in the face. I was angry at anything and everything of life. The one thing I did hold on to was music.
From Barney & Sesame Street to z100, I always and still love music. It taught me the basics of life, such as manners and imagination, and the abstracts of life, such as love and hate. Music was my way of releasing pent up emotions. The lyrics of the songs were cathartic and often expressed the thoughts of my head better than my own words. Many times I sought out music for comfort and understanding that I could not find anywhere else.
It was not until freshman year of high school that I truly found the Lord’s calling to my heart. I remember being invited to a music concert at a friend’s church. She told me there was a well-known Christian band performing and offered to bring me there. I refused at first, but then I thought it might be a good opportunity to go to a concert, so I ended up accepting the offer. That night, I experienced the Lord in a completely different way. Back in kiddie Sunday school, the songs were more story-telling and focused on grabbing our 10-second attention spans than emotion or praise. At the concert, the music, the lyrics, and the sensations of actual worship were overwhelming. The passion of the worship leaders and the people around me touched and warmed my heart and I was able to experience what I have been missing 
after all that time. The pure love and feeling of wanting to know Him, which were nonexistent in my younger years.
After that night, I started going to Youth Fellowship more consistently. I began incorporating reading the Bible and praying to Him into my daily routine. I gained best friends, brothers and sisters that I was able to relate to, and a spiritual family that is always there for me. I have to say that this was the best thing that happened to me, because it really is. Almost all my happy memories are associated with Him, whether it be a fun Bible study, a topical group discussion while digging into a bowl of noodles, or just singing during praise. It has impacted me more than I could ever imagine and I thank Him for it.
