You guys are what makes life worth living.

I have no idea how I am going to survive college. No, it's not the work or new environment I'm worried about. I'm talking about how almost everyone close to me is leaving. It's not even out-of-state schools, SUNYs are also stealing them away. Now, one of my friends has been slowly gone missing longer and longer. Last time she was only missing for 3 days and I still missed her. This time she went to Hawaii for the week. She only left this morning and I miss her already. It's as if He is letting me slowly adjust not being around her.

Why do I feel like that there is going to be a whole day of crying? Well...the girls anyways. x]

When you guys are gone, I'm going to miss you all like crazy. Get webcams so I can still get to see all your faces once and awhile. Andd....there's always Facebook. ANDD... snail mail. You guys better email me your dorms' addresses and write back at least once.

The people that are still in NYC: I'm not saying you guys suck. Haha. I love you guys too and we will hang out often and not lose touch! (:

And just to put it out there...
You guys are what makes life worth living. :) <3

drabble #5: Not Meant to Be

If only. If only she had gotten to him before Mary had, if only Mary had just gone away after the second week, like all those other girls had. If only she hadn’t been so stubborn all her life and looked at him, really looked at him, things might be different now. Oh, she could only dream, as she was standing there, dancing there so close, yet labeled ‘Friends, and friends ONLY.’ It was a soft, gentle, perfect song for those who wanted to dance, bonded tightly by the melody, with their significant other in front of them. But he was not her significant other, nor did she ever think he would become anything past a good friend because it just seems that it was not meant to be.

It was the silence that took place after this that was the awkward part, the part nobody wanted to go through because it meant facing reality. Nothing would ever be the same: for better or for worse, that part was unknown. They would never be able to just “hang out” with each other without having bittersweet thoughts traveling through their minds. They would never be able to think of each other as just good friends, no matter how much either tried to fake it. If the emotions that were obviously there were acted upon, the only possible results were disaster or… something completely amazing. Whether the amazing thing would last or not was another doubt, which made the light at the end of the tunnel seem dimmer and dimmer. Whether she chose to zip her lips and keep quiet, whether she ended up kissing him, and whether that led to the end of it or the beginning, one thing was clear; She’d never have the old James back.

drabble #4: Racing Love

I used to believe the best feeling in the world you could only obtain from racing - just you, a car, and the never ending road.

Racing - the best feeling in the world? I was wrong.

When you’re driving so fast in that sportscar you get the sensation of ceasing to exist, like a disturbingly pleasant limbo. You forget reality; forget about all your problems, all you care about is getting faster, faster, fool…

But that’s stupid. Because when you get back on earth you’ve still got to face those problems, and those problems have probably worsened since you’ve wasted time with your head literally in the clouds. The horizon is your limit until you’re so far away from the starting point you forget the people that really matter.

Who knew the best feeling in the world wouldn’t be achieved from a euphoric potion, or being surrounded by so much money you’re bathing in dollars, but just holding the one you truly love so close in your arms you can feel their heartbeat (one thump, two thumps, three), and sealing it with a kiss.

But don’t worry if you haven’t experienced that feeling yet, because it’ll come. Maybe not soon, but the wait is more exhilarating. And when you do finally sense it, you’ll think back to this and smile, you’ll probably want to shake my hand, and you’ll probably want to punch me for not warning you, because it’ll hit you so hard.

oh happy day. happy dayy. you've washed my sins away.

This is kinda late, but I just want to say that I am really thankful for who came to my baptism on Resurrection Easter Sunday and really touched for how many people went to celebrate with us. It was amazing how much you guys care for us (even though I was kinda annoyed you guys wouldn't let us pay our share of the bill -_-) and how many smiling faces there were. thank you rev. don and pastor scott and the church for the ceremony and gifts. thank you mommy, little sis, and little brother for their support and the flowers. thank you praise team for singing "Happy Day" by Fee because it's one of my utmost favorite songs. thank you EVERYONE for the hugs, congratulations, pictures and for just being there. I can't described how grateful I am for you guys and this is the closest I can get without making it mushy. Ha ha.

reppin' Christ since fourtwelveohnine. ;)

ITZ MOIZ TESTIMONY

It's not as good as I wanted it and it's kinda...blah...-_-;

Anyways, here you go. ^-^;
----------------------------------------
Ever since I could remember, church was always a part of my life: the weekly Sunday school and Chinese school, the friends I made, and the influence that it had over my behavior. My mother brought me to Sunday school ever since I was a toddler. I knew all the major stories in the Bible. I competed against other little Boonies, trying to memorize the most memory Bible verses and win the prizes. But that was all I knew, the fun and games of church and the information that was basically hand-fed to me. I knew the simplified version of the faith. God is all powerful. God is everywhere. God loves us even though we were bad. Yet, I never felt the necessity or dedication of my heart to Him and to Him alone.

There were times when I doubted that He was there at all. Although I was in church every week during middle school, I lived a rebellious life. Consequences were useless, parents were frustrating, and nothing mattered. I constantly argued with my mother until we were both red in the face. I was angry at anything and everything of life. The one thing I did hold on to was music.

From Barney & Sesame Street to z100, I always and still love music. It taught me the basics of life, such as manners and imagination, and the abstracts of life, such as love and hate. Music was my way of releasing pent up emotions. The lyrics of the songs were cathartic and often expressed the thoughts of my head better than my own words. Many times I sought out music for comfort and understanding that I could not find anywhere else.

It was not until freshman year of high school that I truly found the Lord’s calling to my heart. I remember being invited to a music concert at a friend’s church. She told me there was a well-known Christian band performing and offered to bring me there. I refused at first, but then I thought it might be a good opportunity to go to a concert, so I ended up accepting the offer. That night, I experienced the Lord in a completely different way. Back in kiddie Sunday school, the songs were more story-telling and focused on grabbing our 10-second attention spans than emotion or praise. At the concert, the music, the lyrics, and the sensations of actual worship were overwhelming. The passion of the worship leaders and the people around me touched and warmed my heart and I was able to experience what I have been missing after all that time. The pure love and feeling of wanting to know Him, which were nonexistent in my younger years.

After that night, I started going to Youth Fellowship more consistently. I began incorporating reading the Bible and praying to Him into my daily routine. I gained best friends, brothers and sisters that I was able to relate to, and a spiritual family that is always there for me. I have to say that this was the best thing that happened to me, because it really is. Almost all my happy memories are associated with Him, whether it be a fun Bible study, a topical group discussion while digging into a bowl of noodles, or just singing during praise. It has impacted me more than I could ever imagine and I thank Him for it.

drabble #3: Point of Views

HIS:
And her pretty, pretty eyes. With gold pupils, with innocence. Always hooded, like she was tired of everything and didn’t want to see anything. Slow to open to escape everything, to hide everything.

As much as he wanted her, she, however, didn’t want him. Maybe not, maybe yes. It was hard to discern her true thoughts for she frequently changed moods. Although she had kissed him back, touched him back… in the end, she’ll reject him. Deny him. Push him away. Hide. Run away.

While many hungered for his attention.

And he could not help but wonder, why?

Who would not want him?

Why would she not want him?

HER:
Going far away from this man was the best option. It was the only option. If she wanted to remain detached from this man— emotionally and physically— the best thing to do was to keep her distance.

And for him to stop kissing her.

Stop touching her.

Stop talking to her.

Stop smirking at her.

Stop, stop, stop, stop.

None of them was good for her system.

All of them were… making her soft. And affected. And see beautiful colors, pretty blurs. But beyond all the haze, all she could see were dark eyes and pale skin. Dark hair and delicious mouth.

God, no.

I don’t want to be attracted.

I don’t want to be affected.

I don’t want to be charmed.

I don’t want to be…

…to be—

RAGE ATTACK! ROAR! >:(

Ugh. I CAN'T DEAL WITH HER ANYMORE! I can't stand a person who is such a LIAR. Why can't she get her FACTS STRAIGHT before babbling her BIG FAT MOUTH. Now, were a a situation began because of HER. And now she's blaming ME? YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. It's not my fault she's not more conscious of the health of her children. I don't sleep for 12 hours straight on PURPOSE. I normally can't even do 8 hours, let alone 12! I'm not pretending to be coughing or sneezing or sniffling or losing my voice. Now my tutoree's mom thinks I'm a liar and a lazybum. How am I supposed to face the mom now? And SHE refuses to tell the mom the truth and is blaming me for the situation. She's saying everyone's going to know your true personality. what kind of garbage is that?! Sorry, but I act exactly how my heart and brain tells me. This IS my true self. Everyone know my true self. I know I'm weird, annoying, and whiny sometimes. But everyone has seen that already and I've accepted that as well. The only thing that is bothering me is that she is not admitting to her own mistake. What am supposed to do now?! arghs.

Umbrella - ella - ella -a

It's 1AM. I'm sitting here. Work is splayed out in front of me on my desk. My thermos of coffee is steaming. ready for the night ahead. Not even just a cup, a freaking THERMOS full of coffee. And I'm typing this instead of doing homework. LOL.

Actually, I don't really like coffee. I grew out of my obsession, or more correct term, addiction to it. I like tea more. It comes in more flavors and is so much more healthier for you. They contain more antioxidants and herbal ingredients. My favorite is probably Green Tea.

FYI, drinking coffee when you have a cold is a BIG no-no. Anyways, that was a total tangent of what I wanted to say. Haha.

Today, when I was walking home after getting of the bus, I had my Zune on, my neon orange earphones plugged into my ears, and an umbrella in my hand, shielding me from the rain. I was listening to Qwerty by Linkin Park. (Awesome Intro Instrumental, btw.) If you never listened to Qwerty or any Linkin Park song, they're a bit....emo. LOL. They sing (or scream half the time) about hardships in life. (They were my favorite band in middle school...yeah. ^^;) I clearly remembering listening and focusing on the lyrics of the song. Qwerty is about living and hiding behind lies. It brought up a couple bad memories from the past, and then the most weirdest thing happened. I must have had a grimace or a sad expression on my face, but a total random dude walks by me and says, "You shouldn't be sad. You look prettier when you're happy. Don't be sad!" At that time, I was looking at my feet, so my head shot up, I stopped walking and turned around to see who said it. I was like "o.o? wtf?" But all I saw was people walking past me on both sides. I'm not completely 100% absolutely sure he was saying it to me, though....