drabble #8: beautiful

He hissed, “Can you just give me a straight answer of why I can’t love you?!”

She whispered, “I have so many things you don’t want to get mixed up in. Your social status is at stake. Your feelings are at stake, I’m not always as nice as I usually am.” She kept listing her faults, “I am completely selfish and super hot headed. And I have my own fair share of problems far greater than yours.” She looked him hard in the eye and pronounced each word carefully, “You do not want to get involved with me.”

He laughed, “You think that this will keep me away?” he leaned closer to her and smirked, “Do you think that this can keep me from loving you?”

She smiled and nodded, “I was kind of hoping so.”

He put a hand on her shoulder, “I’m not the kind of guy to give up that easily.”

She kept her smile on her face and shot back, “Well, I’ll just try making myself sound as unattractive as possible until you do.”

He slid his hand from her shoulder to her cheek, “You can try, but I already think you’re beautiful.”

Duck...Duck...Duck...Panda?

Warning: The title has no relevance with this post. xD

O.O! Actually, it does. It demonstrates how we cannot see what the future holds for us. HA! bronx science representtt!! BS at its finest. (:

Today, the building project committee revealed a draft of the new church building layout. It's so cool! Elevator, lounge, lobbies, huge sanctuary that has mezzanine seating are just the few things from it. My favorite and most excised for part of the new building is the open rooftop! We can BBQ up there, star gaze, have parties and do so many other fun things up there! Can't waitt! :D

Also, I was trying to organize my life a little bit by using my planner and looking at the courses I have to take later on in college (because I was procrastinating on studying for chemistry). Then, I realized, I have to take chemistry for the rest of my college years! Noooo! If I send in my grades for my Intro to Forensic Science class from HS and my AP Stat score, I'm going to be taking all chemistry courses until senior year! darns! I'm going to have to learn to like chemistry against my free-will! :<>

My List of Careers If One of Them Fails:

• Forensic Scientist
• Obstetrician
• Pediatrician
• Veterinarian
  
• Kindergarten Teacher
• Architect
  
• Interior Design
• Open up a Cafe or a Teen Lounge/"Bar"
• Power Ranger
• Housewife
  

drabble #7: The Slip-Up

“Guys need like…” She was waving her hand as she talked into her phone, “A brain enhancing pill… one to reduce denseness. I swear to God, he is thick--- he just gave this whole speech about how he knew I’m in love with him and then he’s like ‘if only that were true’… I mean, everything he said WAS true! Freaking dense males…”

“Wait.”

“…Oops.”

“You’re in love with him?!”

drabble #6: Crippled

“Then what? You wouldn’t love me anymore? You’d break up with me? I wasn’t good enough?” she couldn’t believe the way he seemed to cut her without even trying, like every artery from her heart was pumping stinging throbbing poison through her veins to her capillaries to the very tips of her being and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

He said nothing. She couldn’t believe that there was anything that could make her feel worse, but his lack of words hurt more than she thought she could bear. She was already sobbing softly. She didn’t know how to let go of the emotions inside her. She only knew she didn’t want them to be hers.

“I’m not with you because I want to be,” he said and his voice was angry and hard. She hated when he used that tone and she tried to clear her vision enough to gauge him, but as soon as she did her eyes teared up again. This time, whatever he was going to say, he meant it. “I’m with you because I can’t not be. You can’t speak without a tongue, you can’t walk without legs, you can’t eat without a stomach, you can’t think without a brain, and I can’t feel anything without you.”

You guys are what makes life worth living.

I have no idea how I am going to survive college. No, it's not the work or new environment I'm worried about. I'm talking about how almost everyone close to me is leaving. It's not even out-of-state schools, SUNYs are also stealing them away. Now, one of my friends has been slowly gone missing longer and longer. Last time she was only missing for 3 days and I still missed her. This time she went to Hawaii for the week. She only left this morning and I miss her already. It's as if He is letting me slowly adjust not being around her.

Why do I feel like that there is going to be a whole day of crying? Well...the girls anyways. x]

When you guys are gone, I'm going to miss you all like crazy. Get webcams so I can still get to see all your faces once and awhile. Andd....there's always Facebook. ANDD... snail mail. You guys better email me your dorms' addresses and write back at least once.

The people that are still in NYC: I'm not saying you guys suck. Haha. I love you guys too and we will hang out often and not lose touch! (:

And just to put it out there...
You guys are what makes life worth living. :) <3

drabble #5: Not Meant to Be

If only. If only she had gotten to him before Mary had, if only Mary had just gone away after the second week, like all those other girls had. If only she hadn’t been so stubborn all her life and looked at him, really looked at him, things might be different now. Oh, she could only dream, as she was standing there, dancing there so close, yet labeled ‘Friends, and friends ONLY.’ It was a soft, gentle, perfect song for those who wanted to dance, bonded tightly by the melody, with their significant other in front of them. But he was not her significant other, nor did she ever think he would become anything past a good friend because it just seems that it was not meant to be.

It was the silence that took place after this that was the awkward part, the part nobody wanted to go through because it meant facing reality. Nothing would ever be the same: for better or for worse, that part was unknown. They would never be able to just “hang out” with each other without having bittersweet thoughts traveling through their minds. They would never be able to think of each other as just good friends, no matter how much either tried to fake it. If the emotions that were obviously there were acted upon, the only possible results were disaster or… something completely amazing. Whether the amazing thing would last or not was another doubt, which made the light at the end of the tunnel seem dimmer and dimmer. Whether she chose to zip her lips and keep quiet, whether she ended up kissing him, and whether that led to the end of it or the beginning, one thing was clear; She’d never have the old James back.

drabble #4: Racing Love

I used to believe the best feeling in the world you could only obtain from racing - just you, a car, and the never ending road.

Racing - the best feeling in the world? I was wrong.

When you’re driving so fast in that sportscar you get the sensation of ceasing to exist, like a disturbingly pleasant limbo. You forget reality; forget about all your problems, all you care about is getting faster, faster, fool…

But that’s stupid. Because when you get back on earth you’ve still got to face those problems, and those problems have probably worsened since you’ve wasted time with your head literally in the clouds. The horizon is your limit until you’re so far away from the starting point you forget the people that really matter.

Who knew the best feeling in the world wouldn’t be achieved from a euphoric potion, or being surrounded by so much money you’re bathing in dollars, but just holding the one you truly love so close in your arms you can feel their heartbeat (one thump, two thumps, three), and sealing it with a kiss.

But don’t worry if you haven’t experienced that feeling yet, because it’ll come. Maybe not soon, but the wait is more exhilarating. And when you do finally sense it, you’ll think back to this and smile, you’ll probably want to shake my hand, and you’ll probably want to punch me for not warning you, because it’ll hit you so hard.

oh happy day. happy dayy. you've washed my sins away.

This is kinda late, but I just want to say that I am really thankful for who came to my baptism on Resurrection Easter Sunday and really touched for how many people went to celebrate with us. It was amazing how much you guys care for us (even though I was kinda annoyed you guys wouldn't let us pay our share of the bill -_-) and how many smiling faces there were. thank you rev. don and pastor scott and the church for the ceremony and gifts. thank you mommy, little sis, and little brother for their support and the flowers. thank you praise team for singing "Happy Day" by Fee because it's one of my utmost favorite songs. thank you EVERYONE for the hugs, congratulations, pictures and for just being there. I can't described how grateful I am for you guys and this is the closest I can get without making it mushy. Ha ha.

reppin' Christ since fourtwelveohnine. ;)

ITZ MOIZ TESTIMONY

It's not as good as I wanted it and it's kinda...blah...-_-;

Anyways, here you go. ^-^;
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Ever since I could remember, church was always a part of my life: the weekly Sunday school and Chinese school, the friends I made, and the influence that it had over my behavior. My mother brought me to Sunday school ever since I was a toddler. I knew all the major stories in the Bible. I competed against other little Boonies, trying to memorize the most memory Bible verses and win the prizes. But that was all I knew, the fun and games of church and the information that was basically hand-fed to me. I knew the simplified version of the faith. God is all powerful. God is everywhere. God loves us even though we were bad. Yet, I never felt the necessity or dedication of my heart to Him and to Him alone.

There were times when I doubted that He was there at all. Although I was in church every week during middle school, I lived a rebellious life. Consequences were useless, parents were frustrating, and nothing mattered. I constantly argued with my mother until we were both red in the face. I was angry at anything and everything of life. The one thing I did hold on to was music.

From Barney & Sesame Street to z100, I always and still love music. It taught me the basics of life, such as manners and imagination, and the abstracts of life, such as love and hate. Music was my way of releasing pent up emotions. The lyrics of the songs were cathartic and often expressed the thoughts of my head better than my own words. Many times I sought out music for comfort and understanding that I could not find anywhere else.

It was not until freshman year of high school that I truly found the Lord’s calling to my heart. I remember being invited to a music concert at a friend’s church. She told me there was a well-known Christian band performing and offered to bring me there. I refused at first, but then I thought it might be a good opportunity to go to a concert, so I ended up accepting the offer. That night, I experienced the Lord in a completely different way. Back in kiddie Sunday school, the songs were more story-telling and focused on grabbing our 10-second attention spans than emotion or praise. At the concert, the music, the lyrics, and the sensations of actual worship were overwhelming. The passion of the worship leaders and the people around me touched and warmed my heart and I was able to experience what I have been missing after all that time. The pure love and feeling of wanting to know Him, which were nonexistent in my younger years.

After that night, I started going to Youth Fellowship more consistently. I began incorporating reading the Bible and praying to Him into my daily routine. I gained best friends, brothers and sisters that I was able to relate to, and a spiritual family that is always there for me. I have to say that this was the best thing that happened to me, because it really is. Almost all my happy memories are associated with Him, whether it be a fun Bible study, a topical group discussion while digging into a bowl of noodles, or just singing during praise. It has impacted me more than I could ever imagine and I thank Him for it.

drabble #3: Point of Views

HIS:
And her pretty, pretty eyes. With gold pupils, with innocence. Always hooded, like she was tired of everything and didn’t want to see anything. Slow to open to escape everything, to hide everything.

As much as he wanted her, she, however, didn’t want him. Maybe not, maybe yes. It was hard to discern her true thoughts for she frequently changed moods. Although she had kissed him back, touched him back… in the end, she’ll reject him. Deny him. Push him away. Hide. Run away.

While many hungered for his attention.

And he could not help but wonder, why?

Who would not want him?

Why would she not want him?

HER:
Going far away from this man was the best option. It was the only option. If she wanted to remain detached from this man— emotionally and physically— the best thing to do was to keep her distance.

And for him to stop kissing her.

Stop touching her.

Stop talking to her.

Stop smirking at her.

Stop, stop, stop, stop.

None of them was good for her system.

All of them were… making her soft. And affected. And see beautiful colors, pretty blurs. But beyond all the haze, all she could see were dark eyes and pale skin. Dark hair and delicious mouth.

God, no.

I don’t want to be attracted.

I don’t want to be affected.

I don’t want to be charmed.

I don’t want to be…

…to be—

RAGE ATTACK! ROAR! >:(

Ugh. I CAN'T DEAL WITH HER ANYMORE! I can't stand a person who is such a LIAR. Why can't she get her FACTS STRAIGHT before babbling her BIG FAT MOUTH. Now, were a a situation began because of HER. And now she's blaming ME? YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. It's not my fault she's not more conscious of the health of her children. I don't sleep for 12 hours straight on PURPOSE. I normally can't even do 8 hours, let alone 12! I'm not pretending to be coughing or sneezing or sniffling or losing my voice. Now my tutoree's mom thinks I'm a liar and a lazybum. How am I supposed to face the mom now? And SHE refuses to tell the mom the truth and is blaming me for the situation. She's saying everyone's going to know your true personality. what kind of garbage is that?! Sorry, but I act exactly how my heart and brain tells me. This IS my true self. Everyone know my true self. I know I'm weird, annoying, and whiny sometimes. But everyone has seen that already and I've accepted that as well. The only thing that is bothering me is that she is not admitting to her own mistake. What am supposed to do now?! arghs.

Umbrella - ella - ella -a

It's 1AM. I'm sitting here. Work is splayed out in front of me on my desk. My thermos of coffee is steaming. ready for the night ahead. Not even just a cup, a freaking THERMOS full of coffee. And I'm typing this instead of doing homework. LOL.

Actually, I don't really like coffee. I grew out of my obsession, or more correct term, addiction to it. I like tea more. It comes in more flavors and is so much more healthier for you. They contain more antioxidants and herbal ingredients. My favorite is probably Green Tea.

FYI, drinking coffee when you have a cold is a BIG no-no. Anyways, that was a total tangent of what I wanted to say. Haha.

Today, when I was walking home after getting of the bus, I had my Zune on, my neon orange earphones plugged into my ears, and an umbrella in my hand, shielding me from the rain. I was listening to Qwerty by Linkin Park. (Awesome Intro Instrumental, btw.) If you never listened to Qwerty or any Linkin Park song, they're a bit....emo. LOL. They sing (or scream half the time) about hardships in life. (They were my favorite band in middle school...yeah. ^^;) I clearly remembering listening and focusing on the lyrics of the song. Qwerty is about living and hiding behind lies. It brought up a couple bad memories from the past, and then the most weirdest thing happened. I must have had a grimace or a sad expression on my face, but a total random dude walks by me and says, "You shouldn't be sad. You look prettier when you're happy. Don't be sad!" At that time, I was looking at my feet, so my head shot up, I stopped walking and turned around to see who said it. I was like "o.o? wtf?" But all I saw was people walking past me on both sides. I'm not completely 100% absolutely sure he was saying it to me, though....

drabble #2: tomorrow is today

I have a picture of you. I look at it every night before bed, and I think that tomorrow I’ll get you to like me. Tomorrow you won’t snap at me, you won’t see me as not good enough. Tomorrow, I think, I’ll get you to smile at me like you do in that picture. Tomorrow I’ll let you know I love you, and tomorrow you’ll love me back. But tomorrow has been almost seven years, and I’m so tired of waiting for tomorrow. So I think I’m going to tell you today.

you got some anger issues, dude.

Ugh... the past two days have been terrible! Not entirely, I still enjoyed them somewhat, but...arghs, there has been somethings that irritate me to the extreme. RAWR. :X

Firstly, there is this completely RUDE DUMB UNDERCLASSMEN GIRL that is incredibly obnoxious and thinks the world revolves around her completely empty skull. Her mouth is an unstoppable machine and she has such an annoying voice. She bother other people that she doesn't know and she just won't sit her fricking butt on the seat! There are people that just want a nice and peaceful ride back home after a long agonizing day of school.

And then, in English (my worst subject btw), the teacher is randomly picking on students to check if they read the chapter(s) he assigned, and if he catches you didn't read it, then he writes your name and calls home. wtfreak. Extremist Alert. So, I knew that this was gonna happen because he's been in a really pissy mood lately, so I read. Heck, I even gave up my lunch period to read the stupid book. So, during class, he calls on random people and asks them questions. Im listening and raising my hand to answer each question because, duh, I read it. But then he calls on me and gives me a question that absolutely stumped me. His question was relating to puppies or dogs or some what not, and I'm clueless because I have no recollection of anything related to it in the chapters that were assigned. So, I truthfully said that I did not remember reading anything like that in the text, and he writes me up. But other people were confused because there wasn't any mentioning of dogs or puppies or whatever in the the chapters he was testing us. But he was like "If you did the reading, you would've known the answer. Something really harsh is done to them." Plus the worst thing is, he does not negotiatable or he will make things worse than they were. WTF.

(sorry for venting on you guys ^^;)

snow days.

Today was like a wish come true! Last night, the meteorologists were predicting the biggest snowstorm of the year and we, the students of NYC, were wishing wholeheartedly that schools were canceled. I tried to stay up until 3 am, which is when they usually announced that public schools are closed, but I was not able to resist the sweet rest that sleep offered me. I complied and suddenly at 6:30am, my ringtone woke me up and it was my friend calling to tell me that school was closed! WOOT!

Snow days are awesome, but winter has dragged on too long. I can not wait until the warm sun's rays shine on my face, t-shirt and shorts wearing body, and flipflop attired feet. Sorry Winter, but you gotta let Spring have some stage time too.

My plans for warm weather are to start exercising again and putting my rec center membership back into use. In the winter, only relying on school gym is not enough. Plus all that stress from midyears, college applications and school work got me eating more, which is definitely not helping. When it's warm again, I'm going to use my new running sneakers to jog or bike. Maybe swim once awhile too. As well as go to the gym. I'll play any of you in basketball. Or maybe we can all get together and have a volleyball or badminton game. I've also wanted to sign up for a kick boxing class. Basically lose weight, get fit, and tone up. Haha.

First step. buy sneakers. Shopping, anyone? ;D

drabble #1: open or closed?

It was always this way with her. She was far too open with her heart for her own good. Whether it was love or friendship, she gave her all. She didn’t know how to hold back and wait for the right moment; she just rushed right on in and laid all her cards on the table: too naïve to realize that it was not always practical to do so, and too trusting to believe that she might get hurt. Hurt she did get though, and her foolish romance was a testament to that. It was what made her so vulnerable to the world. She was just too passionate and open, and now her sincerity and honesty had gotten her hurt again.

throbbing brain cells

Today started with it being one of the worst mornings ever. I think cleaning the toilet or having my 3 most hated things wake me up probably are the highest on my list, but today's morning has got to be up there with them. It started last night. A throbbing of my head grew to a major full blown headache. It was so bad I slept at 9pm to try to sleep it off. 9pm! That's probably the earliest I've slept since middle school! (Not counting the time I wanted to take a nap at 5pm and wounded up waking up at 5am the next morning with no recollection of my sister or mother trying to wake me up. in my defense, I had at all-nighter the night before.)

The next morning, when I woke for school at 6ish am, the dreadful headache survived the night. It was impossible to get out of bed, let alone attempt to pay attention in class. So, I skipped school. woot. Then, Edmond came. Edmond is this 3 year old kid my mom babysits in the apartment building next to our's. She comes back to our apartment around noon-ish to prep for dinner since she doesn't have time later. And she bring Edmond along. Don't get me wrong, I love Edmond. I love kids in general. But that morning, I was not in the mood of being woken up by a hyper 3 year old boy that craves for attention, jumping on my bed and nagging me to let Thumper out of her cage. Totally not helping, dude.

So, I popped some ibuprofen pills and dragged my butt out of bed. Yeah, not fun. I had a whole bunch of work to make up and 3 tests tomorrow. oh joy. I have been getting more headaches, migraines, and sicknesses lately. I blame stress. School work, Advanced Placement courses, college decisions, and just life in general. It's a challenge I'll just have to overcome and summer fun will just be my prize.

On a better note, at least tomorrow is Friday! awesome! And I was able to fix my internet without the help of the useless Verizon techies! Proudest moment ever. I was also taking a break on my work -cough-procrastinating-cough- and was looking up my favorite car brand, Mustang. Oh man, so fricking pretty and fast. Best combination in a car. Right now I want a Mustang Shelby Coupe GT500 Premium. Blue with the White Vista Stripe and Black Interior. Awesomeness.

That's not the car, but it's still absofrickinglutely cool. :D

Love is Here by Tenth Avenue North

Come to the waters, you who thirst and you'll thirst no more.
Come to the father, you who work and you'll work no more.
And all you who labor in vain and to the broken and shamed:

Love is here.
Love is now.
Love is pouring from
His hands, from his brows.
Love is near, it satisfies.
Streams of mercy flowing from his side.
'Cause love is here.

Come to the treasure, you who search and you'll search no more.
Come to the lover you who want and you'll want no more, no.
And all you who labor in vain and to the broken and shamed,

Yeah:

Love is here.
Love is now.
Love is pouring from his hands, from his brows.
Love is near, it satisfies.
Streams of mercy flowing from his side.

Yeah

And to the bruised and fallen,
Captives, bound, and broken hearted.

He is the lord
He is the lord,
Yeah

By his stripes he's paid our ransom
From his wounds we drink salvation

He is the lord
He is the lord

Love is here.
Love is now.
Love is pouring from his hands, from his brows.
Love is near,
It satisfies.
Streams of mercy flowing from his side.
Streams of mercy flowing from his side.
'Cause love is here
Love is here.

I DESPISE the rain.

The rain, Mr. Headache, and Mrs. Cramps ambushed me. They all ganged up on me and I was left on my bed, trying to sleep the pain off. Yeah, so every thing is just plain peachy.

Wow, I sound like a grouch.

On a better note, I officially gained an big brother. Officially because I asked and clarified it with him. I always wanted a big brother. Yay! People -cough-peony&michelle-cough- have told me that having an older brother is not that big of a deal, but I think the fact that not ever having a reliable male figure in my life, might have scarred me a bit. This is definitely different than what I'm used to. I hoping to gain about brother. I'll have to ask him later on though. Not yet. I have to work on the whole trusting guys thing. Don't get me wrong, I have a ton of guy friends. Just nothing on this level. I'll keep you guys posted.